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Anais HOLT
Anais HOLT
Founder of Present Brave & Kind - Meditation
I discovered Mindfulness Meditation at age 7 with my grand-mother, and put it in a corner of my mind and heart until I was 30. High level of anxiety, triggering some panic attack in the evenings, made me pick it up all over again, and rediscover it in a slow-progressive manner. Since then Mindfulness Meditation has become an integral part of my life, and allowed me to become progressively the loving, trusting and resilient mother, professional and human being I was aspiring to be when I was younger.
Look at my story under, and see what looks and feel familiar to you... because then Mindfulness Meditation and coaching sessions might be the key for you to unlock your authentic Nature too!
How it started?
I came across mindfulness meditation at age 7, in my grand-mother living room in Mérignac, France. She would guide me through practices like body-scan, mindfulness of the breath and body, lying on her pale pink rug or standing. However I stopped practicing and Mindfulness meditation didn’t come back in my life until my 30's.
How did I come back to it?
I have been anxious as far as I can remember. I built a protective armour early on to enable me to function in the World so that I could make friends (in many different schools in Périgueux, Bordeaux, Antonne, Eyzines... in the South Ouest of France), go to University, move to the North of England... all with small, unnoticeable breakdowns to all but me - getting into therapy a few times by myself along the way.
Things got tougher when I had serious relationships; I would get increasingly distressed, with panic attacks when it peaked. These panic episodes became recurrent, and more intense when my British husband and I moved to our first house in Bracknell and I became pregnant. I would find myself waking up at night feeling like I was going to die. My entire body felt like it was being sucked towards the centre of the earth, in pure terror.
This is when I looked for anything that could ease my anxiety: exercise, self-help book, therapy... and I found the Smiling Mind app. I started practicing meditations in the evening, and little by little, the anxiety receded. It reminded me of the sessions in my grandma living room. I could connect to the feeling in my body and not analyse it, just “be with it”. And when I would feel the pang of dread hit me, I would do some of the mindfulness of breath practices during the day.
In my 30's, I also discovered coaching. I was a manager in training, and coaching was part of the training. A colleague of mine started coaching me, and I then hired my first coach (first of a long line) to get me to accomplished my personal and professional goals.
Along a period of a few years, I connected the dots between Mindfulness Meditation and coaching, realising that what I needed to grow into the person I yearned to be, was a coaching structure supported by a spiritual practice that would make me link my mind and my heart more readily, being more authentic and congruent. I started using both coaching and Mindfulness Meditation with some of my colleagues, team members, peers... and friends! And it did some magic for them too...
What was my biggest challenge?
Looking back at it, I had two big challenges, and both came with motherhood: becoming a mum (and then a mum of two) challenged both my relationship with my husband and my career aspiration! I would find myself fight with my husband about how to parent our children and get frustrated that our relationship had changed so dramatically. And at work, I would feel overlooked for promotion, and the tension between proving myself as an asset for the company and my yearning to “be a good mum” would increase my anxiety.
I would lie awake at night feeling like the world was swallowing me. I was torn between the person I had become, by becoming a parent, and the one I thought I was: I wanted to be more authentic everywhere, at home and at work, yet I didn’t know how to.
Later on, the main challenge became parenting our children - one suspected neurodiverse. I was hoping for placid little soldiers, I got two full of energy, strong-willed (usually opposite to mine) boys! How could I parent them from a place where my anxiety and reactivity would not "run the show"? How could my practice of Mindfulness Meditation support me in making the right decisions without expecting them to just "obey" or "comply"?
How did coaching help me?
Every time I had a coach, I worked on a different goal: getting to become a manager, settling into the new parent relationship with my husband, increasing the size and reach of my team, shouting less at my kids, growing my managing style so I could develop my team faster, setting up my new business...
The coach support and structure, paired with intuitive and smart questioning, enabled me to find my way, every time, to reach my goal. I didn't feel push but fired. I didn't think "this is impossible" but "I can definitely change that!". And I couldn't procrastinate, I had someone to demonstrate my accountability to. My accountability to myself.
Some of my coaches introduced techniques that reminded me a lot of the meditations I was doing, and these were very efficient for me to enable me to make decisions from a heart centered place, calm my overthinking mind and move into action intentionally (not reactively). I felt good while being coached!
How did Mindfulness Meditation help me?
The practices enabled me to calm down during my anxiety episodes, being able to cope with everyday life challenges like a fight with my husband, children tantrums, deadline at work.
Then I broaden the type of mindfulness meditations I did: from the breath and body, to mindfulness of emotions and thoughts and finally loving-kindness practices.
I went from being a ready for all possibility of danger, to trusting life a lot more. I grew my capacity to let others (my children, my husband, my colleagues and team members) to have their emotions, and support them without feeling taken down by them.
I can say it saved my marriage, I built several great teams at work and, most importantly, developed a loving caring connection with my children and my wider family. I am more at peace and less guarded with people. I am able to experience more joy and love in my daily life.
I am living more often in a Present, Brave and Kind way... and I believe you can too!
Where do I find my inspiration?
I started my spiritual journey reading a few introductory books to Mindfulness Meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh, then spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, and His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama... and my 2 years Teacher Training Certification course with Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield opened my horizons to more modern teachers, spiritual leaders and meditation practitioners like Sebene Selassie, Gabor Maté, Rhonda Magee, Lama Rod Owens, Rick Hanson, Jonathan Foust, Peter Levine, Daniel Siegel, Kristin Neff, Konda Mason and Frank Ostaseski. I also continue to learn from my sangha of peer meditation teachers who enrich both my teaching and my practice every day.
I like to combine my practical, spiritual and scientific learnings to teach to parents, who like me, might not find the traditional spiritual texts and teachings difficult to apply to daily life. I found a lot of the Plum Village tradition practices from Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh (or Thay for his friends) are the easiest to apply in everyday family life: from the breathing "pause", the mindful services (doing daily chores with attention) or "watering the flower" (giving praise)... So I use a lot of adapted rituals from the Plum Village in my practices.
Ready to learn with me? Why not sign up to my latest class and practice every week in your own time?
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